Dating Someone With a Disability……by Graham
June 25, 2008
Click “POP OUT PLAYER” Below to Launch Player then close the big black window out – that way you can read my blog and hear the music that I feel applies to the blog (or just right click and select open up in new tab, then go back to this tab – works best using Explorer 7)…..
THIS IS THE BLOG I WROTE ON MY MAIN MYSPACE PAGE THAT WAS REQUESTED AS A REPOST ON AN OPEN PAGE SO I PUT IT HERE….
I thought I had written a pretty sensitive blog (which follows) but it offended some people and I am not sure why.
The point that I was trying to make is that the right person for me (or you or anyone else out there who is still single, for that matter) may not have the courage or the access to try and meet someone due to their challenges – physical or otherwise.
I am sorry if I offended a few people who think I should be satisfied to try and find someone who hangs out in bars all the time.
But let me put my foot down and firmly disagree. I raised someone with disabilities and I know their fears and I’ve had to share their pain.
I remember my Mom crying when I was in 7th grade and a guy invited her to the lake and remarked on the boat that she had ugly feet, and returned her to the shore. Mom is missing two toes on one foot and one on the other.
And here is the bulletin that proved seven of my contacts are so self centered and self absorbed, that they can only think of themselves and not others…….
(PS- Sorry for sounding irritable but this kinda struck a raw nerve with me)
I sat down to waste some time this morning to avoid playing the piano to give my neighbors some peace.
I am in the mood for heavy tunes at the moment – my sheet music collection (in most people’s mind) sucks but there are some tunes that are still Jazz or Broadway that sound great with a loud sound. Others allow me to play softly, slowly, and gently and I enjoy that as well. The piano is the one thing I can do to express how I feel without feelings disappointed or frustrated.
But this blog is not about that.
I am writing because a friend of mine posted a survey and one of his questions was:
7. What actor/actress would you go gay/lesbian for?
Well, I had to think on that one and what came to mind was a bit surprising…..
I really can’t think of an actress that I would go straight for but I did think of a friend’s wife. Now, right there, stop. That is not like me and I would never ever consider pursuing that unless she were to get divorced. And even then I doubt that it would ever work.
Also let me preface this to my local straight peeps whom are married – this is not YOUR wife nor YOU and neither one of them are contacts on myspace.
She is sweet, attractive, talented, and handicapped. I don’t approve of the way her husband treats her at times – he is a personal friend – I knew him before they were married. She puts up with alot from him and I feel I have my hands tied in their presence. I know he is frustrated with her. The worst thing is when he makes her cry and I feel helpless. Sometimes I think she feels the same way.
Well, this led me to a lot of things. The first is the whole gay issue. I’m always going to be attracted to guys and I know that. But I honestly would give almost anything for a sweet, soft spoken person in my life. I can name three people who fit that bill and she is one, the other is too young (and I can’t deal with the age gap) and the final one is perfect but I am not his “type” so I just accept it.
But it also led me to believe that somewhere out there, there is a soft spoken, sweet, and gentle person. And that is what I want. Goodness knows I make enough racket and create too much excitement if I am left alone in a room with no one and nothing but a mirror – hehe – dangerous thought. I’m from the South and Southerners love to talk. And I am hyper and that only makes it worse. Close friends know they have to fight to get a word in. Strangers would never know this about me as I am very quiet around new people while I observe to see if the “real” (read in to this real goofy, silly boy who never grew up and it just a big kid) me would actually fit in.
Now add to all of this a disability. I raised a handicapped Mom in a home without a Dad. I’ve done things that most kids would never imagine doing for anyone – and at an early age. And I don’t mind. I was once my Mom’s best friend until I came out and that was the end of that. And that is for another blog on another day. I do still love her and yes am still renovating her house completely and making it more handicapped accessible and handicapped friendly. She is so afraid that we were going to put her in a nursing home and I think this proves to her that we are not.
Back to the dating thing. Just like I would love to adopt a special needs child (see www.myspace.com/grahamwish39 – my post from January), I wouldn’t mind having a special needs boyfriend. I really don’t care if a part or limb is missing. So what, no one is perfect. I have always been a personality person and as long as that person can accept himself and love himself for whom he is, that is all that matters.
Sure, I joke about not dating all the time. But the reality is that I am not getting any younger and would love to have that special person in my life.
I once dated a straight guy – yes, you read that right, he was recently divorced and not because he was gay. He had recently lost a leg and we had become quite close.
One day he was having phantom pains and when they stopped he cried and expressed his frustration and asked for a hug. Then he cried more, letting it out and to fast forward through probably TMI and boring stuff, we ended up kissing. He was very passionate and a damned good kisser, great personality but didn’t want another guy – nothing sexual ever happened but these times together were always passionate in that sense (kissing, holding, massage, back scratching). And he was deep in character and soft spoken.
When I moved I never said goodbye because I felt I’d never see him again and that if I did, it would only make things worse.
But what I remember is even though nothing sexual happened, I felt loved and still felt the magic of that first kiss – sort of like my high school dates growing up. I was never sexual but my heart raced just as fast and beat just as hard in the middle of a gentle yet very passionate kiss.
Weird that I think like this, I know. But I am also a very passionate person.
Don’t get me wrong, I have my times when I think from a sexually based perspective which is a common trait for all men. But passion is key and a prelude to sex in my book.
So, here is where I am going with all of this…….
I do have some good qualities and the right person can bring those out in me. Looks aren’t everything but personality sure is. I would say age doesn’t matter but it does. Too young is thin ice and too old makes me uncomfortable – more on that one later. After all, I am getting old myself.
I went out last night, again, alone and realized that while I go out to unwind, I never really want to meet someone in a bar. I always come home disappointed and alone but I arrive with the reality check of “That is not for you (me)”
I remember my first High School guy crush and it was a guy who had a red birthmark over about 50 percent of his face. He was still handsome and had great features and was the only Senior I knew that would be nice to a sophomore. I don’t recall his name (and local peeps if you recall, please let me know). But he was kind and generous and soft spoken and had an incredible smile. His picture, however, never appeared in our Yearbook and I think that was at his request.
Not everyone fits the bill in this department, but I am putting it out there because not everyone knows this side of me. Too many people want a Greek Adonis and I am one that doesn’t. I just want one person to share everything with and that is all. We will get through his hang ups (and mine).
So, if anyone knows of someone who may be of interest, let me know. Love is a grand and a glorious thing – as I recall from a song somewhere. It is also magical, mysterious, and rewarding. Sex is great, too, but in the end if it is only sex, it is shallow and has no meaning.
I have known this for years but for the first time I am just accepting that fact. Sex alone will never make one happy as there is no love there.
I want to elaborate more but that will have to be somewhere else in a myspace page that I keep saying I will create where these topics will be regular items – but on a platform that won’t offend people.
This was written quickly so please ignore typos – many of you know I have limited use of my left hand which has made typing and playing piano difficult and I do slip up at times. Especially when I type quickly.
More to you later. Send me your feedback on this one. Especially if there is a dating site for people with disabilities – I have yet to find one. Perhaps that is the direction in which I am supposed to be heading at this point in my life.
I know I have a calling out there somewhere – it is just still undefined at the moment. Maybe part of that calling is being the other half to someone who really needs it.
Graham —=.0.=—
my regular myspace account is:
www.myspace.com/bestwings
THE URL TO THIS PAGE IS:
http://grahamkmem.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/graham-on-dating-someone-with-a-disability/
More about my writing here:
www.myspace.com/grahamwish39 (adoption)
www.myspace.com/rememberkeith (loss of best friend)
www.myspace.com/grahamusa (fallen soldiers)
(c) 2008 Graham Squared Media LLC
